Monday, August 14, 2006
Help
I've just watched Loose Change and then Screw Loose Change. Now I don't know whether to shit or light a fire. I need someone cleverer than me to tell me what to think.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Dear Jim...
Dear Jim
Please can you fix it for Sandi Thom to be a punk rocker with flowers in her hair. Perhaps then she would shut the fuck up.
Thanks
Yours sincerely
Goatboy
Please can you fix it for Sandi Thom to be a punk rocker with flowers in her hair. Perhaps then she would shut the fuck up.
Thanks
Yours sincerely
Goatboy
Friday, July 14, 2006
An idea, beautiful in its simplicity
The glut of celebrity/charity/reality (and various combinations of all three) shows on the box at the moment is really getting on my tits. I don't watch much telly these days, Lost and Doctor Who are my guilty pleasures, but my wife, bless her, will watch any old shit going. As a consequence, I too am subjected to these dubious delights that pass for entertainment as I (unsuccessfully) try to read my book in the same room as the TV.
Anyway, the missus was watching Only Fools On Horses recently (interspersed with bits of Big Brother, followed by Love Island etc), when it came to me: a brilliant idea for a new show. Now I don't know if it was the nature of the show that made my mind wander (after all you know what they say about girls on horses...glazed eyes all round), but I started to mentally put Kirsty Gallacher, Jenni Falconer and Sara Cox into more favourable environments. That’s when it hit me: Celebrity Porn!
The format is simple. A group of 20 celebrities are put into a house for a number of weeks. Each week they are given a script to learn, of a porn film which is shot over the course of two or three days. The celebrities are split into four groups of five, and each celebrity will be required to enter into some form of congress with each member of their group at some point during the film. The finished product is shown to studio audience who vote for the most arousing performance. The winner of the vote is ‘safe’ and cannot be evicted. Then the remaining celebrities each nominate two of their housemates for eviction and the two with the most votes face the public vote.
The celebrity that is voted out by the public will then be evicted from the house and interviewed by either Ron Jeremy or Ant and Dec (haven’t decided yet).
Each week’s film will be recorded into DVD format and put on general release. All proceeds can then go to charity.
The show shall be called, “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Off In Here!”, or “Celebrity XXX Factor”, or Celebrity Muff Diving” etc
Views?
Anyway, the missus was watching Only Fools On Horses recently (interspersed with bits of Big Brother, followed by Love Island etc), when it came to me: a brilliant idea for a new show. Now I don't know if it was the nature of the show that made my mind wander (after all you know what they say about girls on horses...glazed eyes all round), but I started to mentally put Kirsty Gallacher, Jenni Falconer and Sara Cox into more favourable environments. That’s when it hit me: Celebrity Porn!
The format is simple. A group of 20 celebrities are put into a house for a number of weeks. Each week they are given a script to learn, of a porn film which is shot over the course of two or three days. The celebrities are split into four groups of five, and each celebrity will be required to enter into some form of congress with each member of their group at some point during the film. The finished product is shown to studio audience who vote for the most arousing performance. The winner of the vote is ‘safe’ and cannot be evicted. Then the remaining celebrities each nominate two of their housemates for eviction and the two with the most votes face the public vote.
The celebrity that is voted out by the public will then be evicted from the house and interviewed by either Ron Jeremy or Ant and Dec (haven’t decided yet).
Each week’s film will be recorded into DVD format and put on general release. All proceeds can then go to charity.
The show shall be called, “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Off In Here!”, or “Celebrity XXX Factor”, or Celebrity Muff Diving” etc
Views?
Friday, June 23, 2006
The Know-It-All
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an avid reader and have been for some time. I used to be quite pretentious about reading, believing knowledge to be synonymous with intelligence. In these more enlightened times I have of course realised that the two, while related, are very different things. Intelligence is measured by ones creativity and ability to problem solve, whilst knowledge is dependant upon an enquiring mind and a decent memory. Anyone can know a fact but is quite another thing to understand it. A long time ago I realised that I am as intelligent (or unintelligent) as I am, and that there is very little I can do about it, and so I confined myself to the slow but steady accumulation of knowledge. Unfortunately my distinctly average memory leaves me on a par with just about everybody else, but I enjoy it and that’s the main thing.
My quest for knowledge led me to an excellent book, which I have just finished reading, called “The Know-It-All” by A.J. Jacobs. It charts the author’s quest to become the cleverest person in the world by reading the 2002 edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica from A-Z. 33,000 pages, 65,000 entries, 44,000,000 words and weighing in at 9 stone, this was an epic feat that took nearly a year. The book is written over 24 chapters, one for each letter from A to W and one for X, Y and Z and with each chapter telling the authors story interlaced with descriptions of some of the Encyclopaedia’s entries for that particular letter.
The book is a very entertaining read, and it made me want to go out and buy the Britannica so that I could do the same. Unfortunately, this would set be back in the region of £800 so I doubt that I will be doing it anytime soon. Nevertheless, the idea has stuck with me and so if I can’t afford to read the Britannica, maybe I can try something a little cheaper…
…Got it! The Dictionary. I happen to have a copy of the Chambers 21st Century Dictionary sitting on my shelf, so with no expense necessary I have decided to read the whole damn thing from cover to cover. I know that in comparison to the Britannica my quest is decidedly modest; however I do hope that I will get something out of it, even if it is only useful for playing scrabble!
"Hang on a minute!" I hear you scream, "The Chambers Dictionary? What crazy-assed shit is this? Surely the Oxford English Dictionary is the quintessential dictionary, why settle for anything else?" Ok, you have a point, the OED is THE dictionary, the quoted source of Countdown etc. but I have just had a look at a copy and it's typeface is SHIT!!! I can't explain it, but it just gets on my tits, so the Chambers it is.
I intend to start quite soon and in keeping with “The Know-It-All” I think I will publish a few of the more interesting and obscure definitions online. I will post them on a separate blog for anyone who cares. Watch this space.
My quest for knowledge led me to an excellent book, which I have just finished reading, called “The Know-It-All” by A.J. Jacobs. It charts the author’s quest to become the cleverest person in the world by reading the 2002 edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica from A-Z. 33,000 pages, 65,000 entries, 44,000,000 words and weighing in at 9 stone, this was an epic feat that took nearly a year. The book is written over 24 chapters, one for each letter from A to W and one for X, Y and Z and with each chapter telling the authors story interlaced with descriptions of some of the Encyclopaedia’s entries for that particular letter.
The book is a very entertaining read, and it made me want to go out and buy the Britannica so that I could do the same. Unfortunately, this would set be back in the region of £800 so I doubt that I will be doing it anytime soon. Nevertheless, the idea has stuck with me and so if I can’t afford to read the Britannica, maybe I can try something a little cheaper…
…Got it! The Dictionary. I happen to have a copy of the Chambers 21st Century Dictionary sitting on my shelf, so with no expense necessary I have decided to read the whole damn thing from cover to cover. I know that in comparison to the Britannica my quest is decidedly modest; however I do hope that I will get something out of it, even if it is only useful for playing scrabble!
"Hang on a minute!" I hear you scream, "The Chambers Dictionary? What crazy-assed shit is this? Surely the Oxford English Dictionary is the quintessential dictionary, why settle for anything else?" Ok, you have a point, the OED is THE dictionary, the quoted source of Countdown etc. but I have just had a look at a copy and it's typeface is SHIT!!! I can't explain it, but it just gets on my tits, so the Chambers it is.
I intend to start quite soon and in keeping with “The Know-It-All” I think I will publish a few of the more interesting and obscure definitions online. I will post them on a separate blog for anyone who cares. Watch this space.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Wet Sand...
...is the title of my current favorite track on the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album - Stadium Arcadium. Now, I know that most of you won't give a shit about that but since this is my blog, I can do whatever the fuck I like!
That said, I am well aware that not everybody has such good taste as me, and that opinions will vary on this subject. I therefore open the debate as to which track on the new album is best and I would value your comments on the subject. Thoughts on the album in general would also be welcomed.
I haven't posted in a while, and you can see why. I tend to talk bollocks quite a bit.
Later
Stu
That said, I am well aware that not everybody has such good taste as me, and that opinions will vary on this subject. I therefore open the debate as to which track on the new album is best and I would value your comments on the subject. Thoughts on the album in general would also be welcomed.
I haven't posted in a while, and you can see why. I tend to talk bollocks quite a bit.
Later
Stu
Sunday, April 16, 2006
The Worlds Fastest Indian
I've just watched The World's Fastest Indian. Predictable, sentimental bullshit. I loved every minute of it!!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Noooooooooooooooooooo!
I have just been sent the following "April fool" link. I was a bit bleary eyed when I read it and was comletely taken in at first. Its a fucking chilling thought!
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/04/01/gwot_cha/
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/04/01/gwot_cha/
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